Understanding The Past

For those reading about whom I am… some may identify that I came out of a relationship in December 2008. It wasn’t a fun relationship and it last far too long… I’m grateful to be out and all my debts involving it are paid.

In the time of coming out of that relationship, people around me knew “things” that they finally had the guts to share with me. They knew key aspects that would have made the difference of me walking out the door much earlier on.
In my situation, my former partner came home, announced it was over and had his stuff packed and was gone in a flash. We were unhappy and I had wanted out a lot sooner. We were no longer doing things as a couple. We were just living without enjoying life.
I felt trapped in many regards. I felt responsible for the well being of one of the kids who I was practically raising. When the relationship collapsed, it wasn’t my partner whom I’ve missed, it was the child. My friend in the house was the child, not my partner.

I tossed around leaving so many times. I felt as if I could finally break free and be okay. I had developed my job to a level of being self supportive. I was ready to go, but I felt a strong guilt for what would happen with the child.
In the end, the child left anyway to live with the mother, the partner went on with his life leaving family behind.
I found Diva Dan and realized what happiness is and am living testimony of feeling happiness daily as a result.
Back to the beginning of friends knowing stuff, over the time the new information of what I thought my relationship was has been destroyed to a huge mistake on my part. I recently found out new information, which collaborated, other stories which I knew through other friends. A source that only he would have had access to. I find hearing this new information is a set back to shatter my already destroyed view of my past.
What hurts me the most is the former partner having the ignorance to try to contact me just to talk about what he is up to now. I lost thousands of dollars as a result of the way the split was handled. I went through pure hell trying to wind down everything because he took off leaving me to finalize everything. I felt guilt during the process until he finally broke me where I finally had to take action. Diva Dan went through Hell with me as I am bouncing from pure joy to despair. I don’t know how anyone has the courage to contact another after the history that has occurred.
I have went and deleted all contact information for this person to ensure there is pure separation. It’s not nice to wish someone a shitty life, but I feel that way.
I remember a saying said to the child the day before we broke up. “You reap what you sow!” However, I know my former partner is having a great life and good on him, but I don’t want to hear about it. It’s done… NEXT!

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