Destroying A Friendship and More

In July of 2009, a friendship I had for nearly 5 years was put to a test. It drastically failed due to my portion of responsibilities…. Not only did it fail, but it destroyed a relationship between this person and a another who was frequently scheduled sexual partner of nearly 6 years.

Let me back up…
When my former partner (FP) was around. I always considered this person to be my partner’s friend. I was the third wheel. My FP worked with this person and knew many people. The visits were gossip sessions between what people from that company were up to. They had the commonality of sharing the same taste in liquor. I usually just drank my cola.
When my FP took off, it put to the test of who is left and where the friendships fall. One friend, who I was closest to, dropped off immediately. Whomever came up with the bullshit that a person can remain friends to both parties and being impartial is such a lying peice of work. This person was dropping too many hints on what my FP was up to, even at the request not to because I wasn’t emotionally able to handle it. I wasn’t sure why this person would be dropping these hints so easily, unless it made them feel like they wanted to console me stronger than it needed to be… To stop the hurt, I “just stopped” communicating with this friend and haven’t seen them since.
This caused only 1 friend to be left behind for me… it seemed we had more in common that I thought… Visits over the past 6 years have been riddled with constant complaining from this friend about his ‘friend’ who showed up frequently for sexual conquests. I listened patiently and over time, I have watched my friend be strong to a man who is struggling. He said he could handle it but clearly his actions suggest he is lying… The situation has caused him to be nearly a stalker because he doesn’t trust the other.
Diva Dan was incorporated into the friendship. You could sense from Day 1 that Diva Dan is a headstrong person who sees people for what they are. Diva Dan is very flamboyant at times. He is unpredictable. He is highly educated and when doesn’t understand something, he reads and studies something to bring clarity. The friend was also strong minded, but more so in the sense of control and mind games. The two together, would eventually be a combo for a firework situation.
The firework situation did happen over the most rediculous circumstances.
I got in touch with the friend’s casual person. This person and I have talked before about the relationship they share and blah blah… It was clear way back when… what is their connection? Clearly they are both unhappy… So many times, my friend has told me that his relationship is over and even gone as far to say he knows it should end and doesn’t know what he’s waiting for.
In contacting this person… Diva Dan and I talked to him and gave him insights to what we knew and questioned yet again the nature of this relationship. More so, the personality changes of my friend in dealing with a situation that is clearly unhealthy.
After this talk, the casual guy called it quits with my friend. My friend was devastated. The casual guy gave enough clues that we had spoken to him. Only I would have known details that were shared with him…
2 Weeks went by with very uncomfortable emails because I am trying to pretend I don’t know what’s happening… when it is my conversation that led to it. SOmething I am not proud of. I found myself questioning if I was a true friend or a bitch getting revengence. My friend was so struggling with the concept of non monogamous situation he was involved in. He was so freaking unhappy.
After Diva Dan and my friend had words… I knew that Diva Dan was finished with this friend for good. This friend was putting restrictions of homosexuality acting. He wanted to be in the closet and claims he is BI and even possibly straight… though all indications of gay porn, gay pick up sites, park surfing, and staring at guys isn’t usually a straight thing to do. I struggled with that because I am flamboyant and yet eminating a personality that this guy doesn’t like.
My friend eventually figured out it was me who told his casual inside information. He had thought it was Diva Dan due to their tension.
My last email from this friend was telling me that he hopes I am happy that I have destroyed the relationship he had with the guy… our friendship was clearly over as well.
I did respond back asking to answer for himself to when the last time he ever said anything nice or positive about the casual guy? The friendship was over, and stuff I had been supressing were laid out in a friendly yet direct manner. What I didn’t realize is that all the complaining of all those years is what he was getting off on… he was enjoying the conflict… him bitching about it, was just him relaying the story. He enjoyed the cat and mouse game. I was so stupid not to see it.
What I never expected, is to have the last word in this… a guy who is strongly opinionative and feels he always right… never sent me a response… not even a fuck you… which stuns the crap out of me.
If I could have turned time back, I would just walked away from the friendship without saying anything to the casual guy… my friend would have been 1 friend shorter, but he would be still enjoying the tidbits of whatever he shared with the casual. He would still be complaining about it, but I wouldn’t have been around to hear it so it would not have mattered.
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